By order of the Boot

It’s just dawned on the μGnome that using his drawing set to sketch mosquitoes is a continuation of work by another means. Time for a little distraction, while disengaged from officialdom and public duties for a couple of days. We rarely reflect on how we can try just a teeny weeny bit too hard to do the right thing and maybe, ever so occasionally miss the big issue. In order to get the bigger view, a gnome of my stature has to stand on tiptoe on the shoulders of giants. After all, gnomes have a similar stature to dwarves (the main difference is that they tolerate warmer climates better than dwarves). So here are some words on the Big Picture from the Boot himself; the Duke of Wellington:

Letter said to have been written to the British Government’s Foreign Office while the Duke of Wellington was in Spain in August 1812.

Gentlemen,

Whilst marching from Portugal to a position which commands the approach to Madrid and the French forces, my officers have been diligently complying with your request which has been sent by HM ship from London to Lisbon and thence by dispatch to our headquarters.

We have enumerated our saddles, bridles, tents and tent poles, and all manner of sundry items for which His Majesty’s government holds me accountable. I have dispatched reports on the character, wit, and spleen of every officer. Each item and every farthing has been accounted for, with two regrettable exceptions for which I beg your indulgence.

Unfortunately the sum of one shilling and ninepence remains unaccounted for in one infantry battalion’s petty cash and there has been a hideous confusion as to the number of jars of raspberry jam issued to one cavalry regiment during a sandstorm in western Spain. This reprehensible carelessness may be related to the pressure of circumstance, since we are at war with France, a fact which may come as something of a surprise to you gentlemen in Whitehall.

This brings me to my present purpose, which is to request elucidation of my instructions from His Majesty’s Government so that I may better understand why I am dragging an army over these barren plains. I construe that perforce it must be one of two alternative duties. I shall pursue either one with the best of my ability, but I cannot do both:

1. To train an army of uniformed British clerks in Spain for the benefit of accountants and copy-boys in London or perchance,
2. To see to it that the forces of Napoleon are driven out of Spain

Your most obedient servant,

Wellington.

Quoted in Essential Militaria, N Hobbes, Atlantic Books, London, 2003. pp 119-20.

The μGnome would not have liked to be the messenger.